Stickers and Stars

Something I learned about myself long ago (that may be true for many of you as well) is that I like to surround myself with reminders.

One of the most defining characteristics of my walls when I lived at home was that I wallpapered everything in posters. Mostly movie posters to begin with, but later band posters, TWLOHA posters, pictures of friends, poems, song lyrics. I’ve been known to start on the ceiling when I ran out of wall.

Most of my other possessions get similar treatment. My old laptop was covered in stickers, and my new one has already begun to acquire its colorful skin. My guitar has escaped, but the chipboard case has not. Even the bumper of my ornery car has been begrudgingly bequeathed with some color.

I think I do this because I need to remember. I need to remember that there are people, there are things, that are beautiful-- even when my emotions and frustrations and weary human heart would speak otherwise. I need to remember to love people, to be grateful for gifts, to let myself be loved.

Sometimes the reminders are not just pictures. Sometimes the reminders come in the form of days, of moments, of events that poke holes gently in the everyday dark. I had a day like that recently.

I roadtripped to see some of my very favorite bands with some dear friends. For a night I was surrounded by the songs, after so many months of so much silence. For a night I was surrounded by friends, after months in a place where only a handful of people know my name. For a night I felt like I still have a place in this world to stand. I didn’t need that night, in the strict sense of the word-- God is present in the silence, in the loneliness, in the instability, and there have been many blessings in the midst of all of it. And yet, sometimes I am so very grateful that He gently reminds me...

reminds me that there are so many beautiful people I get to know...

reminds me that there are somehow, strangely, people who want to know me...

reminds me that songs still tell true stories, and I sometimes get to hear them...

reminds me that we’re allowed to find joy in things as simple as some solid rock and roll...

reminds me that God still speaks truth through the words and actions of the most unexpected friends...

reminds me that there is still hope beyond what I can see for myself.

Those are the moments I stick to the walls of my heart to remember. Those are the moments I hold close, letting their quiet glow remind me that there is such a thing as a sunrise. Those are the moments that remind me of who I am, of what I love, of the One who loves me.

So in the darkness we look for stars-- the inconsistent yet constant pinpricks of light tearing through the dark to let the shine bleed through. I am still seeking the stars. I hope you’ll watch with me tonight.

- Elraen -

(Thanks to Stac, Sarah Atkins, and Lainie for some of the pictures in this post)