Semester 1 = Complete

Today I finished off my first semester of classes. I still have finals to survive next week, but the actual class time and homework side of things is over. And honestly, it’s hard to believe.

This semester has been interesting, in many ways. There have definitely been things I’ve had to adapt to, as a homeschooler going into school for the first time; probably most notably just having teachers and figuring out how to interact with them. I’ve learned to get over a lot of my fears about asking questions (though I’ve got a ways to go on that one). I think I’m a lot more able to carry on conversations without awkward pauses, though people still keep telling me I’m quiet (honestly, I wouldn’t be me if I wasn’t). I have not learned much more about how to make friends, though I do know more about how to appear friendly (little things go a long way). I learned a lot – probably more in Biology than any two or three of my other classes combined. I tried to find the balance between home and school life… I’m still searching, and probably will be for a long time. I watched some relationships change. Through my mostly shallow interaction with my classmates I learned to value the relationships I have with the friends I’ve had for the past two and a half years, mostly through forums. I developed my poetry writing skills and went places I’d never been before in that realm. I worked a new job, and found out that some jobs actually are just a joy to work. I found out I love helping people. I developed what I refer to as my Theory of Grades, which guides my reaction when I fail a test or when I do really well on a test or when I’m doing homework – basically always. I turned to the dark side and started drinking coffee. I found some new music. I finally watched The Dark Knight. I skipped chapel more than I should have, but I was never once late or absent from a class. I didn’t answer e-mails or messages anywhere near often enough.

In many ways I couldn’t really form an opinion about this semester yet; it’s too early, and I’ve had no time to process anything. The whole thing is like a sooty smear across my memory; I can’t make out any clear shapes, and I can’t quite decide what color it is yet. I might as well say that I’m still not sure whether I’ll continue my education after this coming semester… it’s going to depend a lot on what God tells me and how He leads me over Christmas break and this Spring. Honestly, if I were going off my experience this semester alone, I would drop out in a heartbeat – not because of the academics, but because I’m tired of living two lives squashed into one and never having enough time for the people in either. But I think I need to keep going for a while longer, because my experience next semester may be greatly different. I won’t know unless I try… and I really felt like God had led me here. I’m not giving up on that unless I am told very strongly otherwise.

Over Christmas break I’ll be going to Georgia to see some dear friends, catching up on forums, hopefully writing, seeing a cousin I haven’t seen in eight and a half years, and most probably doing other things as well. However, most of all I want it to be a time of resting, thinking, reconnecting with God, and figuring things out – there has been very little time for that these past fifteen weeks.

I’m off to write a poem for the Extra Credit project on Clean Place. Have a great day!

-Elraen-