Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Even If

A single question was presented during a performance by one of my favorite bands-- a question that someone suffering had heard from God. It’s a question that absolutely wrecked me this summer, because it captured in a single phrase what I’d wrestled with. For a long time now, more and more earnestly, this is the question I have heard from God:

“Would you still trust Me even if I never told you why?”

That is the crux that is eventually reached in every major chapter of my journey as a follower of Christ. It’s one of the questions that led to me first accepting Christ, and it’s the question that has driven me deeper into Him over and over again-- when I let it.

I think we (by which I mean especially I) have a tendency to drastically cheapen our faith. We pray and we trust and we claim the title Christian so long as it doesn’t cost us anything. It’s easy to believe in God when He makes sense to us.

And that is why I often find the tragedies in life to be their own kind of grace-- they ask the question, over and over again, challenging me to answer it even in the dark: would you still trust Him even if He never told you why you lost that friendship? Would you still trust Him even if He never told you why you lost that job? Would you still trust Him even if He never told you why you had to abandon those dreams, those things you hoped for? Would you still trust Him even if He never told you why there is so much suffering that your hands can’t heal? Would you still trust Him even if He never told you why He won’t heal you right now?

I am finding more and more that my faith finds its roots at that crossroads, at that moment where I stand in a world that has ceased to make sense, where maybe even God seems dreadfully silent, and yet I choose to open broken hands and say “yes. I trust that You are who You say You are, even if You choose not to tell me why.”

And that is the answer that I pray to bring my heart more and more in line with, even in the dusky hours where I can’t yet tell if it’s another night falling or the moment just before dawn. There is peace there, and there I plant my flag.

I will still trust Him.

“This solemn truth I will depend on: that You could never even think of failing.”
- Disciple

- Elraen -


Annie said...

I've come to the same realization. And I think it's so awesome how you and I have been learning so many of the same things through the crazy things God has taken us through!!

Eclectic Elegance said...

Mmmmm. I needed to hear that. :-) *hugs*

Hannah Rebekah said...

I saw your link to this post Wednesday, when you put it on fb. I opened it in a tab to read when I had time, knowing your posts are always deep. I'd almost forgotten it was there, sitting in the corner of my firefox window. Then tonight, reality hit like a ton of bricks, and I cried for an hour, praying and begging for God to fix my situation. When I opened my computer, there it was, still in the corner - "Even If". It was exactly what I needed to read right now. Thanks for putting your thoughts down.

Lina said...

If you think about it, anytime God allows us to understand 'why' is an incredible bonus--it's not in our contract! Job never knew why his life totally hit the fan that one year, yet he could still trust in the greatness of his God. Hang in there!

By God's Grace said...

Convicting! Thanks for posting!