Another decade is ending. The minutes slip away, leaving us with their faint echoes-- memories, mistakes, gentle joy and searing pain. Sometimes we are agonizingly aware of time, as it runs out for a person or a moment we love. Sometimes we let it slide by, effortless, meaningless, tasteless as water running over our tongues.
I am 18. I am writing this on my iPod with chilled fingers, standing on a cold hilltop, overlooking downtown Nashville shining like a nest of fireflies. It's been a long way since this decade began. I was only 8. I was imaginitive, reclusive, violent, creative, angry, and I hated school. When I see another decade begin, I will be 28. Done with college, probably no longer at home. And I have to believe I will be farther along this road-- that I will love my God more, love people more, and be more ready to accept this strange, awkward, confusing creation of God that I call "myself."
The past ten years-- the past year, even-- has held some dark, broken, empty chapters. But I have seen God's grace and God's love move in huge ways. I have been brought into a messy, bleeding, laughing, screaming, beautiful life. And I am so very blessed.
If God could take the child of ten years ago and bring me here, I'm going to believe that He has no intention of abandoning what He's begun. If God could take the brokenness of a year ago and mend some wounds and kindle new fires in my flickering soul, I will believe He can do so in this coming year. God doesn't give up on our stories-- not ever. He's into happy endings and nightmares fading and shattered things made new. As I face the dark times of a new chapter, I will hold to that. It's not over.
I can't wait to see the epic that God will write for my life and the lives of those I love. I will stand here, songs ringing in my ears, lights glowing on the horizon, and I will welcome the sunshine and the rain. Hello 2010.
- Elraen -
I am 18. I am writing this on my iPod with chilled fingers, standing on a cold hilltop, overlooking downtown Nashville shining like a nest of fireflies. It's been a long way since this decade began. I was only 8. I was imaginitive, reclusive, violent, creative, angry, and I hated school. When I see another decade begin, I will be 28. Done with college, probably no longer at home. And I have to believe I will be farther along this road-- that I will love my God more, love people more, and be more ready to accept this strange, awkward, confusing creation of God that I call "myself."
The past ten years-- the past year, even-- has held some dark, broken, empty chapters. But I have seen God's grace and God's love move in huge ways. I have been brought into a messy, bleeding, laughing, screaming, beautiful life. And I am so very blessed.
If God could take the child of ten years ago and bring me here, I'm going to believe that He has no intention of abandoning what He's begun. If God could take the brokenness of a year ago and mend some wounds and kindle new fires in my flickering soul, I will believe He can do so in this coming year. God doesn't give up on our stories-- not ever. He's into happy endings and nightmares fading and shattered things made new. As I face the dark times of a new chapter, I will hold to that. It's not over.
I can't wait to see the epic that God will write for my life and the lives of those I love. I will stand here, songs ringing in my ears, lights glowing on the horizon, and I will welcome the sunshine and the rain. Hello 2010.
- Elraen -
3 comments:
Even though I know the past decade has been hard on both of us--lots of growing time, I am really glad I spent that last decade with you. :) Its been neat to see each other grow and you become a Godly young woman that inspires many.
Blessings,
Sarah/Mir
That was beautiful. I have definitely changed over the past decade. Some ways good, some ways bad. I've seen God do amazing things, but I've also tasted my share of depression and failure, and by His grace, I've overcome some of the darkness. This post made me really excited about the new year. :) Love you, Raen. You rock and I wish I could have met you sooner to have more time to cherish what a wonderful friend you are. -- Angel
What a really great post! I love your style, and there are great thoughts here.
~Kendrabelle
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