"What Have You Been Doing Lately?"

I normally do kind of thoughtful or artistic blog entries, so I thought for a change of pace I'd do one that actually had more facts about what I do from day to day.

This past week was very busy. On Monday I started it off by having a Biology test and a speech right in a row. I got a very low B on the Biology test, but it wasn't a failing grade, which was all I could really ask at this point. I'm still getting used to the new class structure – Biology II is so different than Biology I was.

I expected to be extremely nervous before giving my speech, because normally before speeches I'm so nervous I feel like throwing up. But that morning in precalculus I was talking to a classmate about it, and she really changed my perspective on it. I got an A on the speech, and on the evaluation sheet my teacher commented over and over on how confident I had seemed. That made me laugh, but as Twinkie told me when I started my first college class a year ago, “the secret to confidence is faking it.” That's something I've carried with me throughout my time in school so far.

Tuesday was the day I went to “Our World Cafe,” as I wrote about in my last blog entry.

On Wednesday, Steve Saint came to speak in chapel. Most Christians are familiar with the story of the five missionaries who were speared by natives in Ecuador. Steve Saint is one of those missionary's sons. He's also an excellent speaker. He talked about missions, and particularly the way we need to change our approach. He spoke both in the morning and the evening. In the evening we all sang Happy Birthday to him, as someone called out that his 58^th birthday was in two days.

Afterwards my sister Telpe wanted to meet him, so Kalmiel and I waited with her for some time until we could actually get to him. I felt like a complete idiot and had no idea what to say, but I think Telpe was happy we got to meet him.

I don't remember Thursday very well, except that I wore a flower in my hair for a lot of it because we were studying angiosperms and conifers in lab and I took a flower with with. Kalmiel brought another one for me later than evening (she's the lab assistant for my Biology lab).

On Friday I had two tests, a quiz, and a party to go to. My first class was precalculus, which got out early, so I had time to hurry to the mail center and pick up my insurance card, student account information, and paycheck. After that I had Western Civ., and my first test. It went OK, I think. I used to hate tests with a passion; they terrified me, and I would get so nervous and upset that I'd forget everything I'd learn and do terribly. I think I'm finally starting to be more confident going into them though, which helps a lot.

After that we had the last chapel of Mission's Emphasis Week, and then I went to work. My older brother, Maranar, came and picked me up after work. We had just a few minutes, and in those few minutes we rushed over to the box office to buy our tickets for the Newsboys concert. I admire the poor guy working the window so much. Mar's instructions sounded something like this:

“We need two together in the second orchestra, and we'll pay for those together, and then we need one by itself on the second balcony and then another by itself as far to the front as possible.”

It took almost 10 minutes to get it all sorted out. I got a good seat though. I'm sure I'll post pictures and videos afterwards (it's on March 6).

Then I rushed to the science building for Biology, which got started late because my teacher forgot to print out our quizzes. Though I had only studied the material during my work shift right before, the information had been more intuitive than most of what we have to learn, so I'm pretty sure I got a 100 on the quiz. After that, I walked across campus to speech class, where we had another test. I was almost falling asleep in middle of it because I was so tired by now, so I started playing Skillet in my head to keep me awake.

After that I got home and ate lunch (it was about 3:30 by now). I spent an hour and a half screencapping more of my Skillet DVD, and then Telpe and I headed to Linte's birthday party.

I'll admit I was kind of proud of myself. I was so exhausted and worn out that I was expecting to be about ready to strangle someone before the end of the night. However, I actually felt OK with it. We made pizza, played Mafia, watched a movie, ate cake and opened presents. I got to meet some of Linte's friends that I've been hearing about for the first time. I did a lot of watching, trying to figure people out. I felt like I was being very loud, but my perception of how loud I am is notoriously skewed, so I'd have to ask someone else if I was or not.

Draug walked me home. She's probably the only person in the state of Texas who I feel completely comfortable with right now. We walked until we were exactly half-way between our houses (we've been neighbors for nearly ten years) and then walked backwards to our houses so we could make sure the other one arrived safely. Of course it was ridiculous, but we had fun.

Today I've already done some graphic editing, and I've read my Biology chapter for the weekend. I have a precalculus test on Monday, which should be interesting, to say the least. I'm crossing my fingers and hoping for the best.

I'm currently listening to Missing Pages by Seventh Day Slumber. I've heard some of their songs on and off for about a year, but never got attached to them until now. It's odd how that works.

May it be an evening star shines down on you.

- Elraen -

Cultural Bubbles

This week is Missions Emphasis Week at my University. We have representatives from many different mission organizations here, with displays set up so students can talk to them and get more information. We're having special speakers all week. We had a showing of The End of the Spear last night. Some missionaries will be giving devotions before classes (something normally either the teacher does or the students take turns doing). One of the biggest events of MEW every year is Our World Cafe. This consists of student, faculty, and staff getting together and making food from all sorts of different cultures and offering samples to the students. Not only is it free food, but students get chapel credit for it, so people are bound to come (we have to have 38 chapel credits a semester).

I had never been before. Of course I'd heard of it often, as I grew up involved with this University, but I never felt it was my place to go. I don't know why I decided to go this year; I vaguely mentioned I might, and then I was pressured to go, so I went.

I walked in, staying close to my older brother. The first thing I noticed was that the lobby of our performing arts center, where the event was being held, was crammed.

“I'm suddenly remembering why I don't go to social events,” I said, somewhat loudly just so my brother could hear.

“Yeah, didn't I mention all the crowd navigational skills you'd gain?” he responded.

I quickly got separated from him, as I always do at events like this. I met up with a friend of mine who I've gotten to know at least a little – one of the very few people I've actually become somewhat familiar with at school, and there's an interesting story behind why. Anyway, he's extremely cheerful, and he was very encouraging. I was talking to him when Kalmiel came up from behind and hugged me.

From there everything became a streaked blur. Familiar faces, but so many strange ones. Emerwen was there, as was Draug, and a friend I hadn't seen in some time, and a few people who I'm on “hi, how are you” terms with. There were many different tables with different cultural foods on them, but I didn't eat any of it. Draug forced me to come to the table her mother was working to get a small sweet rice cake (I don't even remember what country it originated from), but that was all I got. I turned around and around in circles, bumping against people. So many hugs from people I barely know – I felt suffocated.

One thing that struck me as I listened to people talk is that they found some of the food exotic or surprising. I find it somewhat hilarious to be around other people my age in a setting where we're exposed to different cultures. I am not exactly well-traveled, but one thing my parents have definitely done as best they can is to teach this American girl how to accept different cultures. I find it hilarious when people are afraid of trying ethnic foods, or do try them and find them weird. There was a lot of that.

I left after a little less than an hour. I had hit my limit long before that, but had waited for the sake of Kal and Draug. One thing struck me afterwards: they project this event as being a way to sample other cultures and understand them better. Instead, it was one of the most American things I have ever seen. All the American kids reacting in American ways. The little social groups moving around, laughing, talking, the noise a dull roar. Social norms I can't understand.

I won't pretend I enjoyed it. I remembered why I go to social events: simply to be reminded how much I hate being around people. But it did provide an interesting picture for me, and also a challenge: how often do I let myself get so absorbed in my own world that I forget everything outside my bubble? Even in the area of music and movies I can get so set on a certain kind of thing that is acceptable in my eyes. What if I actually looked at our world as a whole, a community of people who hurt, who laugh, who love, who cry... rather than as America and a bunch of different countries? And maybe that's a little of what missions is about: breaking out of our cultural mold.

I hope tonight finds you well.

- Elraen -

Randomosity

I tend to try to have pretty structured posts, but this will be just whatever random junk is drifting around in my head.  Not very interesting, but it gives me something to do in order to unwind for a few minutes before starting homework again.

Almost done with my third week.  That makes it almost a fifth of the way through the semester.  By the end of next week it will be a fourth of the way through.  I just got back from my first test of the semester; as usual, I have no idea how it went.

I have my first Biology test on Monday, along with my first speech.  I'm dreading both, but the speech more than the Bio test.  The only thing with the test is that I have to make sure I don't repeat last semester (when I failed the first two Biology tests... yes, not just the first, but the second as well, AND the lab midterm.  I win at failing.  Hah.).  However, I developed a new strategy for Biology studying.

You see, I have a tendency to get these random punk rock songs I've only heard a few times stuck in my head.  So I decided to try singing all the Biology terms I had to memorize to them.  The other day I had Wake Me Up When September Ends running through my head, so I memorized the ten phyla of plants to that tune.

Bryophytes, nonvascular plants 
hepatophyta liverworts. 
Wake me up when Bio class ends. 
Anthocerophyta has hornworts

bryophyta mosses 
wake me up when Bio class ends. 
Vascular plants (seedless), lycophyta moss
pterophytes have all the ferns 
seed plants have gymnosperms...

...and so on.  It worked beautifully.  I was quizzed over those terms on Wednesday, and it was the first time I got an A on a Bio quiz this semester.  Perhaps more importantly, it provided a way for me to study that I actually liked - combining my unending obsession with music with a task that had to be done really worked well.  I'm thinking Hey There Delilah will soon have rather different lyrics in my head...

Aside from all that, school is... well, it's as it always is.  I guess a little better than last semester.  I glanced over one of the very few journal entries I wrote last semester, and just reading through it realized that last semester started out much, much worse than this one has.  Maybe that means this semester will be better all the way through.  I can't say yet.

I've been seriously CPer-sick today, but I have to remind myself that it's not going to last forever.  One of the amazing CPers is coming to spend several weeks with us starting in March.  She's an incredible girl, and I've wanted to meet her in person for months now, so to say I'm happy she's coming would be quite the understatement.

I need something to look forward to.  I've said this many times before.  For some strange reason, it just helps.

Speaking of things to look forward to... Skillet has been in the studio for 10 days as of right now.  Their new album will be released sometime mid to late summer.  I've been following that with interest (of course).  Red's new album will be released in 18 days.  I'm also looking forward to that... honestly, this album is going to make End of Silence look absolutely pathetic.  I've heard four songs (and part of a fifth) off of the new one already, and it just may bump Red up to my second-favorite band.  Though that also depends on what Anberlin and Relient K release in the next few years.

Since I'm talking about music anyway... if you like softer Christian rock, you should look up Trading Yesterday.  They're now under the name The Age of Information, but their Trading Yesterday work was much better.  The band was started by the former keyboardist of Evanescence.  They have some of the most poetic lyrics I've ever heard, particularly in the song Shattered.

A final note: for those of you who didn't know this, I am officially doing Project 365.  You can find my Photo Blog, Photographic Melody, in my profile.

OK.  I've been self-centered for long enough, and have plenty of other things I need to be doing.  Have a good day!

- Elraen -

Graphic Design

I feel you all deserve an update, but I honestly don't feel like talking about my life right now, so I'm giving you something else instead: some of my graphics.  I don't often share these (save on A-U), so I hope you enjoy.  I've been doing a lot of experimenting lately.  Click on the thumbnails for full-size (some of the wallpapers you won't be able to see full-size, because they were too big for photobucket to handle).

Banners:

Blends:

Wallpapers:





There.  Now no one can ever say I don't share my graphics.
You may notice that there is a very great amount of graphics focusing around Aragorn and Eowyn.  That is because I have worked on several projects focusing on them with a friend recently.
Also, these look much better on flat screen monitors and laptops than on normal desktop monitors.  That is because the resolution is different on desktops, as well as the contrast and the brightness. 
- Elraen -

The Cloak Story

As most of you know, I recently made a fourth cloak. My mother posted about my cloak saga on her blog, but I thought I'd share my point of view.

I always liked fantasy. When I was 10 I first read The Lord of the Rings, and was absolutely enthralled. My two older siblings were also really getting into it at that point, and my mother made all three of us costumes. My older sister and I had long white dresses (I fondly called mine “my Galadriel dress” for many years), and my older brother got pants and a tunic. Part of this was that she made my brother and sister cloaks. This was the Fall that I was 11. I wanted a cloak too, although she didn't finish mine at the same time.

Months went by, and I kept asking. My siblings wouldn't let me borrow their cloaks (which would have been too long for me at that point anyway, honestly).

I can't remember exactly how long it took her to make my cloak; it was either 6 month or a year and a half (though I'm leaning more towards a year and a half). She finally made it so I could have it when my whole family went to the local Renaissance Faire – the only time we've all gone. I know I was 12 at that point, though I'm not sure of the exact dating (my birthday is during Ren. Faire season, so it could have been before or after, which would have changed which year it was... and I realize that's kind of irrelevant). Anyway, the point is, I had my very own cloak for the Ren. Faire. It dragged on the ground then, which probably wasn't the greatest thing ever considering it's white. I wore it when I played dress-up and, a few years later, when we went to church on colder days. I wore it more and more as the years went by.

Now, much as I loved my white cloak, I got tired of getting it dirty. I wanted one I could run around in and not worry about getting muddy. It had to be green; the two characters I always dressed up as back then were Galadriel and Frodo. I already had a Galadriel cloak, I needed one that could pass for a Frodo cloak.

This was the Fall I was 13. I did help my mother make this cloak. It was very simple, much shorter than the white one, and thus perfect for my intentions. I'm not going to go into all the reasons why, but I decided not to put a clasp on this one (or rather, I was a very hot-headed child and threw a fit over something and thus a clasp didn't get put on). I've always used pins with it instead. Years later it got so worn from the pins that my mother had to add some reinforcement, which actually makes it look better in my opinion.

After the first year or so that I had this, the cloak became the one that my friend Draug would use every time she came over. She didn't have her own cloak for a long while, and so my green cloak basically became hers. I did wear it from time to time however, and once Draug made her gray cloak I wore my green one for LARPing during the summer I was 15 (the first summer I was on Clean Place, when the Texans would meet to LARP once a week).

I was satisfied with those two cloaks for some time. Nearly two and a half years after making the green cloak, I finally decided I wanted to go ahead and make another one.

This cloak was made during an interesting time of my life, and because of that it has more personality in my head than the others do. I wanted it to be dark blue, so my mother found some really nice dark blue fabric on the discount table in Wal-mart. I really would have preferred black, but I decided that neither my friends nor my mother would like that, so I let it drop (and I'm very glad I did). I did almost all of the sewing on this one, which shows in the very uneven hems. I was using my youngest sister's sewing machine, and the timing was off and I was working with slippery fabric, and the result was that anyone would think from looking at the hems that I was drunk at the time. Once it was more or less done, I did some beading around the hem. This was inspired by Finduilas's mantle in Return of the King. Finduilas was Boromir and Faramir's mother, who died when they were quite young. When Faramir and Eowyn spent time together in the Houses of Healing, Faramir went and found one of his mother's old mantles for Eowyn to wear. It was dark blue, embroidered with silver, so that it looked like it was covered in stars. Actually, in the scene they added in the extended version of the movie, you can see Eowyn wearing it.

Anyway, all that aside, I put little silver beads around the hem, because I wanted them to look like stars. I know a cloak is special to me when I have a specific name I call it when I think about it. This was always The Starry Night cloak. I finished it on my 16^th birthday.

Well, a year went by, and more than a year. Even as I had been making the blue cloak, and later a black cloak for Rivus, I knew I wanted to make one for myself. I wanted it to be green, or gray, or brown; it didn't matter, so long as it was a more woodland color. I had no fabric though, and my senior year of highschool was very busy anyway.

Summer, 2008. In June I traveled to Colorado for the moot, which was probably the most important event of my life for the past year (yes, far more important than starting college or getting my first real job). In the weeks leading up to the moot, the incredible seamstresses Punkin and GrannyT had started cleaning out a bunch of their fabric. They were offering to give it away to Cpers. They asked all of us who were interested for our color preferences, which I gave. I started to hope they would find something for me that I could make a cloak out of.

I'll never forget the time I spent in Yellow Leader's basement, which looked like a fabric shop had exploded and then emptied itself into one room. Ferns were down there with me, as was Silver. There was a row of trashbags, one of which was mine. It had three different kinds of fabric in it – gray/green/brown crushed stretch velvet, gold and purple brocade, and sea blue chiffon. I knew as soon as I saw the first fabric that it was time to make another cloak.

When I got home I had no time to even think about cloaks, much less make one. I worked full time for the next two months while dashing to finish up highschool, working on Snapshots for CP, and jumping through the multiple hoops of college registration. Finally August came, and I went through the ridiculously long college orientation process, and started class.

Needless to say, I lost the next four months of my life in a black hole made of textbooks, papers, assignments, obligations, and paychecks. As Christmas Break approached, I knew I had to do something I would enjoy or else I would go mad. I didn't know until about two weeks before leaving that I would be going to Georgia, so at the time that wasn't a comfort. I decided that, no matter what else I had to do, I would make a cloak.

So that's how this cloak came into being. I worked on it for four days of the week before school started again. The process went so well I found myself wondering if it was actually me doing it (sewing and I don't get along very well). Maybe college has taught me patience and precision; who knows. One way or another, for the first time I actually made something I was satisfied with. No crooked hems this time!

- Elraen -

With the Time that is Given to You

Well, I go back to school on Tuesday. To say I'm afraid would be far too mild a phrase to use, but I'll leave it at that. I've been working on plans to try to make this semester better than the last; I want to schedule in times for things like exercise and specific housework times, so I don't feel so bad about doing them. I have only one class on Tuesday, and if I get most of my Wednesday homework done on Monday night, I could have most of a day to get other things done – maybe even some writing. My creative pursuits have been somewhat stifled since August. I also want to do some more work on my desk, which I've already started. I want to put up my bulletin board and white board. I want to put some candles around it. I would buy a Skillet poster to put up (they just put a really cool one up in the store) but I think my mother would object to having that in the school room, so I'll have to settled for having my autographed tour pass and autographed DVD here beside me, as usual.

Most of all I'm trying to make a resolution to try to be happy. I have to try; it doesn't come naturally to me, nor does it come easily. It's a complicated maneuver I can never quite get the hang of, no matter how I try to figure it out. I've figured out how to pretend I'm happy, but that's not at all the same. Sometimes I think I'm always going to be the depressing little girl who was obsessed with violence and death.

I've been spending the weekend watching the Lord of the Rings movies (extended, of course). It's the last thing I will get done over my Christmas Break. I'm so glad for the opportunity. It's been almost seven years since I first saw Fellowship of the Ring, over six since I first saw The Two Towers, and over five since I first saw Return of the King. Lord of the Rings has been a constant part of my growing up during these past seven years. One thing I've been reminded of over and over again as I watch is the simple truth that I believe is the greatest lesson to be learned from these stories: we should always fight to do the right thing, even if it means sacrificing everything we are, and even if we have no hope of succeeding. That's what Frodo did, in the end. He gave up everything he was and everything he might have been to save a world he would never be a part of again. He didn't think he'd succeed. In fact, in the book he says multiple times that he will not. Even though in the end he did “succeed” in the surface sense, it cost him his personality, his hope, and his life. But that didn't matter. He kept going.

And that's a little bit of what I'm trying to remember right now. It doesn't matter if I have any hope that this year will turn out well. I don't think it will turn out well. I am fully convinced that it will be one of the worst years of my life. But I'm going to do the absolute best I can, not because I think I'll succeed, but because God asks us to do our best in order to glorify Him – even if we have no hope aside from Him. Besides, even if He never promised life would be easy or that we would succeed, He did promise that we'd never be alone. And in the end, what else could we ask for?

In other news, I made a new cloak. I may do a blog entry on that sometime later this week.

God bless!

- Elraen -